1. I stopped caring what others think

It's not about not caring at all. I still care that I'm a good person, a good wife, mother, friend and daughter. But I'm not afraid to try things anymore.

I see people, younger and sometimes older, who hold themselves back: afraid to start a YouTube channel, be on social media, or take a trip by themselves. When you let go of others judging you and go after your ideas, plans and goals, it's so freeing. What are you waiting for? It's your life. There will always be people with an opinion about you, but it doesn't change your life. You'll find your people along the way, and you only succeed at anything by trying.

2. I stopped saying yes when I wanted to say no

Like many women, I've been a people pleaser. I don't want to disappoint anyone. But you have to protect your energy, your peace and your time, because nobody is going to protect it for you.

No is a whole answer. You don't have to lie or make up excuses. When I'm invited somewhere I can't or don't want to go, I'll often say: "No, but keep me in mind next time. Thank you so much for inviting me." You've declined simply, without explaining everything, and you've left the door open. Saying yes to everything only leaves you resentful, committed to something you didn't have the time, energy or money for anyway.

3. I stopped trying to maintain every relationship

Some people come into your life for a season. Not every relationship is meant to stay forever, and that's okay. It doesn't mean burning bridges. I like to leave the door open and always offer grace, because anyone can change at any time. That goes for family, too.

Time heals a lot, and things that felt dramatic ten years ago often aren't important now. Keep building relationships all the time. You need your tribe, the people you can count on, and you can't build them at the moment you need them. Relationships ebb and flow like a river. Don't pour all your energy into ones that aren't serving you now, and keep building new ones.

4. I stopped comparing myself to other women

When I was younger, I wanted to look like other women and have what they had. Later, it turns into wanting to be young like them. It's great to admire people and have goals, but you can only be the best version of you.

I have no desire to look or be 25 again. I'm very much looking forward to turning 50. I just want to be the best version of myself at my age. We're the youngest we'll ever be right now, and we can only improve from here: mind, body and spirit.

5. I stopped saving everything good for "someday"

We save the nice dishes for guests, the nice jewelry for a special occasion, the good bag for an important meeting. A few years ago I stopped doing that, and it's been so great.

My nice dishes are out and my family uses them. Do plates get chipped? Yes. Have I lost a diamond earring? I actually have. But it's just stuff. I get so much more joy from actually using what I have, and the cost per use is so much better. Life isn't a rehearsal. Use the good stuff on a regular day.

6. I stopped buying things just because they're trendy or a luxury name

There was a time I was very into designer things and thought I really needed that purse or belt. What I've learned: a quality leather purse is equivalent to another quality leather purse. I've owned a lot of both. Often the price difference is just name-brand status.

The same goes for the hyped-up $100 cream an influencer tells you that you need. I'm not against splurging on things I find value in, things that are quality, effective or have research behind them. I just don't fall for marketing anymore. I research deeply and care more about whether something actually works for me. (15 Things I Stopped Buying After 40)

7. I stopped treating my health like something I could deal with later

I didn't have an epiphany one day. I started having health problems, and I decided to deal with them as they appeared instead of kicking the can down the road.

In my 20s, 30s and most of my 40s, I didn't eat right, drink right or sleep right. I was high-stress, running businesses and a household, raising kids, and I put myself last. Getting dressed every day was the one thing I kept up, and it's something you can control no matter what else is going on.

Around 40 I started monitoring blood work. At 45 and 46 I realized I had health problems, and this year I really committed to getting healthy. I cleaned up my diet, and in turn I lost weight, which helped my joints, my sleep and my digestion. I was pre-diabetic, and for years we were told diabetes isn't curable. I believe it is. Hashimoto's, same thing: they say it's not curable, but my numbers have gone down 60–70% since I started caring. So I don't know if I believe them all that much. I think a lot of medical companies want to keep people on medications, but there's a lot you can do to take control of your health. (How I lowered my Hashimoto's antibodies · How I lost 30 pounds after 45)

We all have different health issues, so do your own deep research into what you need. Getting ahead of things early is key. Health is the one thing you wish you could get back once it's gone, and I no longer take it for granted.

8. I stopped doing things "the normal way"

There's a framework of how you're "supposed" to do things in your career, relationships and family. After 40, I threw that out the window.

Part of that is my lack of trust in the medical community; I do a lot of my own research, because a lot of information that gets pushed just isn't true. The same goes for the marketing hype in skincare and women's health. You have to dig beneath the noise to find the truth, and separately what's best for you. Something can be clinically proven and still not work for you, and that's okay. In my career, I recently went in a new direction in the same field I've worked in for 20 years, including being on social media, which was scary. This YouTube channel is the same. There is no normal. Everyone is a little weird, and that's okay. Live your life on your own terms.

9. I stopped waiting for permission (or for someone to save me)

If you wait for someone to give you permission, help you or encourage you, you'll wait forever. If I want to get healthier, I have to decide what I eat. I can't wait for my family to get on board or for someone to hand me a plan.

The same goes for changing careers or starting something new. Nobody is going to hold your hand. Take the trip, change direction, start the business, make the video. You don't need permission. When you decide to do it for yourself, it's so freeing, and the successes follow. (How I finally changed habits that never used to stick)

10. I stopped treating my time like it wasn't valuable

Time is the most valuable thing any of us has. You can rebuild money, energy and even health with time, but you can never get time back.

That doesn't mean being overproductive. I'm guilty of doing three things at once, and my girls have been reminding me I don't have to. I've also been listening to sermons about taking time to be still. Something I love is visiting my parents on Sundays. Sometimes I think about everything else I could be doing, but I never regret it. I'm sure down the line I'll be so glad I made it a weekly tradition. Scheduling time to rest and be with people you love is just as important as scheduling work.

Bonus: You can't control anyone else, only yourself

This is the biggest mindset change I've had over 40, and I say it to myself all the time.

When someone comes to me in distress, I can't fix their situation. I can only be there for them. When someone is angry, whether it's at work or an angry driver on the road, I can't control their words or behavior. I can only control how I respond. And you can't change your partner, parents or kids to think like you.

Controlling is exhausting. With grown kids, I've learned it's okay for them to make mistakes and to not be where I am yet. Nobody has walked in your shoes. Realizing this has made me more patient with people who see life differently, and it's what helped me say no, set boundaries and stop waiting for permission.

I've really enjoyed aging, and I'm looking forward to turning 50. Anyone can change at any time.

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